Sunday, May 01, 2005
Waving at Zombies
So I have to wonder why there is even a chorister in Sacrament Meeting.
I was fortunate enough to receive this calling about a month ago. Since that time I have dutifully stood up and waved my arm around, "leading" the congregation in singing praises. But not really. See, first off, the organist has her own agenda. No matter how fast or slow I try to wave my arm around, she plods on at her own predetermined pace. This pace seems to be the same for every song, and it is definitely on the slow side. Energetic songs just aren't the same when they take twice as long to sing..... And even if I had some sway with the organist, it wouldn't matter because the congregation doesn't even sing. They seem to all be a bunch of zombies, staring at me with blank eyes, most not even trying to move their lips. There just is no point for me to be there.
And during all of this, I am trying to signal to my children to behave themselves, sit down, shut up, etc. Yes, Dave is sitting with them, but he is rather oblivious. And when he is not drowning in oblivion, he is being highly amused.
For instance, today Ethan tried to follow me up onto the stand when I went up to "lead" the congregation in the closing hymn. Instead of snatching Ethan up and keeping him in his seat, Dave, sporting a large grin, sits forward in the pew and watches with extreme enjoyment as Ethan climbs up the stairs after me and then freezes in terror when the organ starts blaring. The zombies perk up a bit. I can see some of them wondering if they should help me out and go rescue my child. But they decide not to as the child's father is right there and should be doing that himself. Anyway, I finish with the song, and sit in a chair on the stand. Poor Ethan is standing trembling by the stairs still, so I have to beckon him over to me before the closing prayer starts. I get him calmed down, and after the prayer send him back on down to Dave, because I still have to conduct the practice hymn while the Sunday School teachers go set up for their classes. Well, Ethan doesn't make it all the way back to Dave before the organ starts up again, so I cut the practice hymn off after the first verse, so I can take care of my poor child.
Anyway, I let Dave know how displeased I was, but he could still barely control his laughter, he had been so entertained. *double sigh* I really have FIVE children you know....
I expect Dave will post some sort of rebuttal here, but we will all know that the truth has already been told.
That said, I am thankful for having this second calling. Heavenly Father knows that I need these blessings. And there is no such thing as a free lunch. Ya gotta work for it. Or endure, at the very least. You know how much I LOVE being up in front of people...
:D (Do you read Dave Barry?)
Poor Maren. I think you should just entertain yourself by leading different beats (3/4 on a 4/4 song, for example) or drawing pictures in the air with your arms. Like, make a nice island with coconut trees and monkeys eating bananas - no one will know the difference, apparently.
I'm especially sorry about the organist. I like to sing a little faster than everyone else, trying to will them all (organ included) to follow me. :P
Your post cracked me up on many levels. The title was perfect. "Waving at Zombies."
In a small congregation I've sometimes forced the music to match the chorister's lead. I sing pretty loudly, and others tend to follow a loud singer. The organ tends to follow the congregation's singing when there is disparity. Not like there's ever disparity between the two. ;)
Heather definitely has 4 boys. Men are useless for the most part when it comes to appropriate parenting. But on the bright side, we're also usually the more fun parents... so kids get appropriate parenting *and* fun parenting. It's the plan of eternal families in action here on earth. We men are obligated to be fun rather than responsible.
Okay, sorry... dads should be more responsible.
> I let Dave know how displeased I was,
Interesting way to put it. This is the one I'd want to hear Dave's rebuttal on. ;) Dave?...
And, I agree with Heather. "Drowning in Oblivion" is a good name for a rock band.